Wah Wah Wednesdays – You reap what you sow
A friend of mine recently posted this status on facebook:
I’ve always wondered why women don’t like going for the nicer guys out there. There’s a couple of women I know that go for the bottom of the barrel – they go for those 30-something hopeless bar leeches with piercings and all those Mickey Mouse tattoos on their face who work at the Pepsi plant in Bladensburg and live in their adopted mother’s basement, and then when it doesn’t work out, they feel manipulated and ask me “Why aren’t there any nice guys in the world anymore?” I asked one of my female friends why they don’t look for nicer guys to go out with, and she said “They just don’t exist anymore, so we make do with what’s out there.” Really?
The thing about nice guys finishing last…nice guys always finish last because they’re overlooked by society, not because they’re doormats – they’re sensible and practical. Nice guys aren’t sleazebags, or drug abusers, or alcoholics – they’re focused individuals, and some people just tend to see them as people that aren’t fun, that have no aspirations in life, no personality, no real “selling point”, if you want to call it that. Nice people don’t make headlines like Chris Brown – they aren’t attention whores that look for trouble to get people talking about them.
Myself? I used to be a massive asshole, a backstabber, a manipulator, and I wasn’t proud of that. I knew that the life I was leading was going to end up with me either being in jail or killed. The life I was leading was shortening my life span, so I stopped and changed myself for the better. But it’s ironic to note that the only time I was in serious relationships in my life was when I was still an asshole – when I was the one getting the cops called on me in New York while I was fighting with a guy, when I was the person that would yell at authority, and challenge anyone whose opinion differed from mine to prove me wrong, even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being. Coincidence?
I still believe in what I believe, I still challenge those who question my decisions, but I’ve been much more open-minded now that I’ve gotten older. People have opinions, and sometimes, other people have good points to make, and it’s worth it to listen to them. If being open-minded makes me a doormat, be my guest and pass me up.
Of course, before I get a lot of heat about this, let me go on the record and say that I’m not generalizing every woman in society in saying that they all believe what this one friend of mine has to say. I’m smart enough to know that everyone’s different, but the problem that my friend has is that she believes all of the nice guys in the world are all the same – they’re all vegetable-like, 35-year old male nurses who like to shop at Trader Joe’s, and talk about things they read last night alone at home in their Reader’s Digest while watching a special on PBS. I’m not knocking those guys, either, but not every nice guy is the same. I mean, I pray every day, I help my friends out with assignments and sometimes financial woes, I love to do community service and promote activism for cancer research, heart disease, diabetes, and healthy living habits, and I’m always a respectful individual in public. I hardly even curse when I’m around my friends (although it does surprise them when I do curse – it’s like they’re watching me set fire to a Bible in a Catholic chuch when I curse). But by no means should that mean I’m weak, submissive, and accept what’s happening to me. I changed myself from the asshole I was to the person I am now because I wanted to live a better life. I’m a nice guy because I treat people the way I’d want to be treated, and I’d expect nothing less. We’ve got one life to live, and I know that some people have it a lot worse, so I want to help them. Does that REALLY make me a doormat?
I’ve been incredibly upset that there’s been a bunch of nice guys in my circle of friends that have forced themselves into becoming part of the depravity – the people that turn themselves into clubhopping, alcoholic, misogynistic douchebags like the people that pressed the “like” button on this comment, just so that some of the more physically attractive women will pay attention to them. People that are really nice guys know how to believe in themselves, know what’s best for them in their lives, know what they’re looking for, and know that they don’t have to change who they are just because someone says that they’re not up to par with them.
You reap what you sow. Look for what’s right, not what people tell you to look for.
